I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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