I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
