Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
