Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
