im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
