idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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