Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
