Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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