I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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