their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
