i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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