my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
