he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
