I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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