if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
