First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
