happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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