Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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