smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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