I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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