I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
