Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
