I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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