Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
