the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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