Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
