He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
