He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And then my night got REAL pukey
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
