It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
