I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
