tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
