Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
