i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
