What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize