We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
