I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
how drunk are you?
Several
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
