did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
