Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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