Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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