I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize