I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
