As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
