i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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