i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize