um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
