Dual....:-)
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
