belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize