Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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