Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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