So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize