Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
