Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wear drunk well.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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