can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
