So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
