i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
