I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
