I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
