I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my sisters under your porch take her home
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize